really..?

Well after being locked out of here for I'm not sure how long finally managed to convince them that this is infact my account. Finally starting to feel a bit better at the cost of a few things. But you have to lose sometimes to win. Haven't moved yet. California switched to philly and then my friend who was supposed to move with me bailed. So now I have to move to California because I can't afford philly on my own and I can't stay here. That much hasn't changed.
I've managed to be getting out a lot more various trips to philly and new york among other places which is only killing me that I haven't moved somewhere by now.
As it stands I need a miracle.

keep on it.

So..it's been a while since I've updated decent ount of things have changed. I don't habe my apartment anymore...still at my job but going between two stores now. Its keeping me a good deal saner. My mother however is driving me bat shit crazy.  Needless to say we don't always see eye to eye. I've been getting sicker..my muscles..my bones..everything is starting to hurt. Ive been getting chest pains again which can't be good either. 
Moving has been postponed until I can get things straightened out.  My photosensitivity is much much worse this year. To keep myself busy I've been shoppimg =)

still dreaming

Well its april now...half way threw...still have to start moving out of my house..save more money and really take a look at what I'm doing. Ill make this clear..I'm going its just a matter of how..
I've been doing as much as I can..of everything just bevause I don't really know what's going to happen...not even an idea..talking to my friend at the store today has me thinking of looking into the sandiego instead of La...I only know her from the bus and a local store but I think what she's saying is worth looking into.
I've been shopping..not much..but enough to keep myself happy.
At my job longer now...figured I could use a few more paychecks before I leave..
I think I have a tooth growing in..its killing me. But that's really all the New..
After the work meeting I went to tacobell asked for extra sauce and this is what I got..

185+ sauces..I had already given a friend two handfuls.

Wore maleup the other day..getting back into the swing of things

Then i bought some snacks ^_^

But thats really life at the moment

....

.......

My dreams have been a lot more vivid.

I see you a lot...

I know its just a dream though...

Little by little I'm starting to realize how few people or anything I have or had here. One thing I don't enjoy is feeling forgotten..but this time its not even that...this time I just never was anything...that's what bothers me.

Going on..

So I've finally learned to stop trying to use certain programs on my keyboard to type anything on here usually ends in horrible freezing and losing the post.
So I have almost one month until I move out to LA..I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. Still have so much to finish out here.
I think the worsr part is I'm currently super lonely which isn't helping my thought process of moving to somewhere that I know not a soul. This is the longest I've been single in my life. Not to sound horribly egotistical but I'm use to having at least one person want me..never no one. I still find myself just sitting here wondering what's wrong with me all of a sudden..
I'm not supposed to buy anything even plan on quitting smoking to save up..I have no idea how long it takes to get a job out there, here in PA its next to impossible.
Still have to finish applicatoons for special effects schools (makeup), with any luck I can get in and start a career that's enjoyable.I may have learned a lot where I am but its a not omg amazing and that's all I want.

at the end of the day..

Today is almost over and I accomplished next to nothing that I was supposed to but in the same sence, I did manage to get this set up and start talking to some people from LA which I hope to do more of because being all alone out there won't be any fun. 

Tomorrow is back to work and hopefully finish somethings that I should of gotten done today. 

Well I can at least continue packing.

A small portion of my carry on.

My makeup.

Trying to figure out How to navigate on here isn't the easiest so now to see if I can post pictures.

If this wotks these are select pictures of my makeup over the past several years.

I'm still only human..

After so long of the same thing day after day, even if your good at it, eventually you have to throw in the towel if your hearts not in it.

I live an ordinary life in the middle of a small city competeing with Philadelphia and New York, but without the fun of city life. Need a bar or church though and your in luck we have plenty but that's about it. I work an everyday job managing a resturant. Not what I had in mind with a brain to be a doctor. I have my own apartment, a nice one, and if something is done its because of me, not someone else. I've worked hard to get where I am....but that's the problem I'm having...I haven't gotten anywhere.

So this will be me..who I am..who I was...who I'll become..

So a good start would be catching up..

I'm 22 years old..Lived in most of the same area my whole life, not so much a good thing.  If there hasn't been some kind of stabbing or shooting in the news lately its an odd week and can expect something big coming up. The police found someone once by following a blood trail to a house on my street..not to mention the repeated tines of trying to go outside and having cops screaming go back inside. Like I said not the best place to be.

Highschool graduate..a lot of people here just drop out. Hated highschool..mostly the students though my teachers were pretty awesome. I was on stage crew..took all advanced classes..took almost every science class that was offered I was able to do advanced math in 7th grade.. and I'm talking trigonometry and calculus. Didn't continue to college.. I wanted to be a plastic surgeon. I'm far from that now.. 

No boyfriend..No husband..No kids just me myself and I. I actually don't like kids don't want any ever either they freak me out. My best friend has two that's enough for me. This is another thing I'm trying to figure out..Why I'm never the one someone wants. I'm always the one who gets broken up with so they can be with someone else. Never good enough I suppose is the best way to put it. I'm the one who fell for their best friend and finally after getting together and everything seemed perfect he left me too. Now I don't even think I can call him a friend at all. 

All of those things are reasons that finally forced my final decision to get out start over finally find something for myself rather then being upset over what I can't have. 

So its finally been decided May of 2013 I'm packing as much as I can uprooting my life and moving to Los Angeles California.  Where I can start a new life hopefully a better one and start on a career with makeup.